Putting the ‘ting” in Connecting to Build Trust

In a previous post, I talked through the levels of listening with tips to level up your listening. This post will focus on connecting and how you can dial up your “ting” to become more effective in listening and connecting to others. This is another means to build more trust in your relationships and develop your empathy skills.

What is ‘ting’?

Ting is the Chinese word for listening. It is made up of 6 different symbols.

• Listen with your ears to hear the word, the tone and the pitch
• Listen with your mind to understand, analyze and broaden your perspective
• Listen with your eyes to see the facial expression, read the body language and look into the “window of the soul”
• Listen to create a oneness between you for mutual respect, caring, and sharing
• Listen with your heart to feel the emotions and empathize
• Listen as if they were royalty and show your respect and give them your attention

What’s Your Default Way to Connect

When I started my coaching training, we were told you would be coaching some clients over the phone. These were the days before Skype, Facetime and definitely Zoom. I immediately thought to myself that this would never be the case for me. I needed to see people because I’m a visual person and easily connect and listen with my eyes. I also could relatively listen with my heart and empathize. I quite easily feel people’s emotions and am a big crier. Being able to see people was what enabled me to feel them…or so I thought.

As I started to practice with my podmates and actually coach clients, which happened over the phone, I quickly realized how little I listened with my ears because I overused my eyes and heart. I wasn’t really hearing the subtle changes in tone and energy in others. There was so much that I was not picking up that my ears could have informed me with if I truly listened with them. This was one of my senses that I need to develop to more fully listen to my clients and others.

We will all have a default (or two) of how we connect. In working with groups to improve their active listening skills, I’ve had them practice listening with ‘ting’. In pairs, they would share with each other their happiest moment of their life. Their partner would listen to the story and my instructions to have them listen with just the one element I called out. I would call out ears, mind, eyes, heart and ‘ting’ for them to get a sense of which element was easy and challenging for them. I know it’s a bit arbitrary and nearly impossible not to listen with your other senses, but people can get a sense of which part of ‘ting’ needs some further work.

Time to Work Out Your Other Connecting Muscles

Once you are clear on which element needs further development, be intentional and practice more to connect through that element. While you are talking with friends and family or even in a meeting, try to use that part of you to listen with. What bits of information are you picking up that you may have missed in the past? When are you slipping out and relying back on your preferred sense(s)? What do you need to further develop that sense? Who could you use as a mentor and expert and learn how they connect with that part of themselves?

As you work on that part of yourself, also be intentional to listen with ‘ting’ and leverage all of your senses. Treat them with respect as they speak and create that oneness and connection between you. This is SOOOOO needed in our society today. We need to connect with people who are different and create more bridges and less walls. Connecting with ‘ting’ is one way to make that happen. We would understand each other a bit better if we listened with more of ourselves and created more connection and stayed open to create that oneness.

I have designed a short workshop to elevate your active listening skills where we practice connecting with ‘ting’ and other activities. If this is a capability you need to further develop in your group, contact me for details.

#ting #listening #trust #empathy #connecting

Originally published at https://remix.coach on August 18, 2020.